How much would it weigh?

I was in "Kanz Obhur" with my family a couple of days ago..

We were sitting by the sea, it was around sunset, and the weather was somewhat pleasant..

Just as the sun was setting, everyone around us took their mobiles out to take a shot of the beautiful view, even my mom who's probably never used her mobile to take a picture before..

Now I'm a fan of photography, so naturally I snapped out my mobile too - in spite of the crappy camera that's attached to it..

Catch is, there was a giant "libra" statue blocking the view, and everybody around the table was trying to avoid it to get the best shot, and eventually, all ended up with the same picture.

Question is, where's the beauty in that? I bet even the photographer himself couldn't tell his shot out from the pile that was taken that day..

This was my shot: (remember, it's a crappy phone camera, AND it's zoomed in!)

I have 2 points that are obvious to mention, but bare with me:

1. The sun is the same, it captivated everybody at the moment of sunset, a few minutes earlier we were all trying to hide in the shade! many people moved into the indoors section to avoid the same sun that everybody now is mesmerized by its beauty..

2. The giant "libra" is an obstacle, but it made my picture unique.. I was the only one to use it as an advantage..

It's phylosophical I know, but isn't life just the same?

My Professional Integrity

Dedication to all those questioning my prefessional integrity :P

Where was I when you guys kept going and going aboute me being so incompetent and lazy? Oh yeah, I was on call!!

First of all, I'm a human being, and second I'm an intern.. I'm in a process of learning, if that weren't the case a med student would graduate to become a consultant right away, why waste the 7 (+/- 2) years of training?

Medicine is not just memorizing huge textbooks, that's the easy part.. The real challenge is living up to the practice, and using the knowledge, channeling it into the right direction.. How many people graduted top of their classes then found out they were not cut for being clinicians, and succumbed to laboratory jobs? Too many to mention!

Interns never killed patients, interns are known to kill themselves, but not patients.. Interns are probably the ones that care the most about patients, they haven't got their hearts stripped of emotion yet, they are genuine in their care, but the catch is, they're still human..

I'm not here to justify my actions to anybody, but it really hurts me a great deal when I'm accused of being emotionless and lazy.. I'm very social, and I love people especially sick ones.. my doctors actually ask me to get less attached to my patients! I keep in touch with them even after they've been discharged, and then you come and lecture me about being incompetent? What do you know about being on call and deprived of sleep? Did I volunteer to be on call on the first day of Eid, and not be with my family just to go to sleep? I had no intentions to, but it's human nature! you're brain shuts down no matter when and where!

I was on call again yesterday.. Our shift usually finishes at 4:00.. I was called to the ER at 4:05.. Stayed there till 9:00 o'clock straight, I didn't even have lunch.. The resident on call in the ER did not cme, and didnt even bother to call, so the doctor had no intentions of releasing me, so I asked to take a break to have dinner.. The dr. called me back at around 10:00..

I went back to the ER from 10:00 till 2:00 am straight.. I've seen I don't know how many patients but they were alot..

I learned from what happened the eve of Eid, so had alot of sleep the night before my on call.. That's why we're interns, to learn what it takes to be a successful doctor, not to be called failures and incompetent losers by people who have no clue what our job is about..

As you may have noticed, it rained last night.. the senior resident in my team did not show up this morning, did I complain and say I'm post call and can't work without a senior? no I didn't, I have a huge sense of responsibility despite what you all think of me.. I carried the load on my own.. Our consultant showed up at around 1:45 pm (interns post call are supposed to leave at around 11 am in the next morning).. we took our round until 3:00 pm, when the doctor saw my stamp on the admission note of one of our new patients.. he looked at me interrogating, I told him I was on call yesterday.. He said and you were admitting patients? where's the resident? I told him she didn't come..

I saw a look of appreciation and gratitude that made me feel I just drank a double espresso.. I didn't feel tired anymore, I felt proud and very happy.. He told me I'm one of the best interns he has ever worked with.. that was enough to get me through the rest of the day, and I got home at around 4:30 pm..

My Eid On-Call

LoL the title sounds like an episode from Scrubs..

Aaaanyway..

I volunteered to be on call on the first day of Eid as you already know.. Turned out it wasn't a bad idea after all..We had a breakfast in the conference room (thrown by my beloved Nephro team)..

The only problem is, I went to the hosp without having any sleep, so go figure!
I was on call with Dr. K. Eid.. (sense the irony!).. She was kind enough to take my pager for some time (I'm not sure, it could've been a minute, and it could've been a couple of hours!).. As soon as she took it, I went into a coma..

Aaaanyway.. The wards were quiet, so after a while, she joined me for a slumber party..

Everything was quiet until I got a page:
me: hello?
him: is this dr. julz? (lol ok, he said my name)
me: yes, who's this?
him: I'm dr. Raju (a registrar)
me: *yawning sleepily* yes dr, what can i do for u?
him: there's a patient in room 130 bed 1, i want you to call ortho for a consultation..
me: *obviously sleeping* ok sure, but dr. I'm kinda swamped with work right now, if it's not urgent, can i do it when im done with what i have in hand?
him: sure, but please do it as soon as u have time..
me: sure no probs..

"me" went back to sleep.. lol

4 hours later, I get another page:
him: dr. Julz, I just called ortho to ask them for their evaluation, and they said u never called for a consult!!!
me: *still sleeping* ummm, huh?
him: did you call ortho?
me: ummm, ortho?
him: for room 130 bed 1?
me: ummm, 130 bed 1?
him: r u the doc that answered my page 4 hours ago?
me: *scared now* 4 HOURS AGO???!!!
him --> veeeeeeeerrryyyyyyy maaaaaaaaaad!!
me --> veeeeeeeerryyyyyyyy screwwwwwed!

Now don't worry the patient won't die because of my misbehaviour.. Dr. Raju could've suffered a heart attack because of me though loool

Now what was it? Oh yeah, "Happy" Eid..

You know how they say that Satan gets locked up during Ramadhan? Well that must be true!!

Anyone else noticed how crappy the last day of Ramadhan always has to be? It's like Satan has been on a diet, and is suddenly released with all the hunger and cravings!!

I won't have time to spill what happened or what should've happened, cause I have to run to the hospital right now..

Yup, Julz's on call on the first day of Eid, BY CHOICE!!
I figured the best way to run away from all the obligations of the first day is by being on call.. crazy? very possible..

I just wanted to wish who ever is kind enough to read my blog a happy Eid.. And please, wish me a happy on-call...

P.S: I haven't slept for the last 24 hours, and I won't sleep for the next 24 hours.. I won't be judged on my next post, I'm warning you!

Nostalgia..

Memories.. Nothing but memories..

An echo of a sob,
The trace of a tear..
Senses numb,
Drunk with fear..

Damp foreheads.. Burning candles..
Old wine.. Antique wood..
Devoid of life..
Anxious I stood..

Nothing but shadows..
Silhouettes..
Beads of sweat..

Pain.
Sorrow.
Breath so shallow..

Nothing but memories..

What's the deal with Sushi?!

When it comes to SUSHI, people are divided into 3 categories:
1. People that LOVE it
2. People that HATE it
3. People in category 2 pretending to be in category 1..

I belong to the 3rd category..

I'm not pretending to love it, I'm just in denial.. I put the maki in my mouth and try not to concentrate on the flavor or the moisture or the rawness! I would chew it really fast, swallow it in seconds and just follow up with whatever drink I ordered. lol

I sometimes try to slow down and absorb the flavor, but - BAD IDEA, I would start to get nauseous +/- throw up!

The thing is, it's a label nowadays: OMG!!! you don't eat sushi? how sad!

Not just sushi, all seafood.. it's like holding an LV bag, or wearing a pair of gucci!
Now I don't have a problem with other seafood entities, I love shrimps, I crave lobster, mussels and oysters.. smoked salmon makes me high! I'm just not friends with raw food, specially raw seafood!

My sushi friend is the California Roll, it's like a little black dress, I wear it to every occasion.. It's the only maki I can swallow without making a scene! It's my token to the I'm-cool-world lol.

North Country

I saw a movie yesterday called "North Country", starring Charlize Theron as Josey..

It's inspired by a true story that took place somewhere in the late 70s, when they started to hire women to work in iron mines. (first woman was hired in 73), by 1984, the male to female ratio was 30 to 1!

You can imagine the range of humiliation this woman had to go through, what surprises she found in her locker, what drawings she had to clear off the walls.. The name-calling in public, the finger pointing even from women!

Her history wasn't that happy either, she has 2 children, the first is a rape product, when she was 16.. the 2nd is a product of a marriage to an abusive husband.

At that time, there was no law in the US against sexual harrasment, so a woman abused at her work place should swallow it 'sec'.

She wanted to make a living, instead, she made history!

I won't spoil the ending, you have to see the movie! :)

Post Call.

I was on call yesterday in King Fahd Armed Forces Hospital.

Being on call means you should go to work (despite the fact that yesterday was Thursday: both a weekend and the first day of vacation). You don't only go to work, you go early (9:30 am), you sleep over -or try hard to- in a crappy room, then you go back the next day at aroun 11:30 am.
The on call scale in internal medicine consists of 2 interns, 2 residents, 1 senior registrar, and 1 consultant. Opposite to what logic may suggest, inerns work the hardest, and consultants work the least..
In KFAFH, there are 4 medical wards, madical ward 1, 2, 3, and the VIP ward. Yesterday I was in charge of med. ward 1 and the VIP.. IT wasn't bad actually, at least it was better than usual.. the on call team was mainly girls: both me and the other intern, and the 2 residents were girls, pretty ones i might add..
The exhausting thing about being on call is the anticipation of a call.. that tiny little gadget called pager is no tiny by any standards! It seems there's a mic, camera, infrared sensors that detect your every movement and send it to all nurses stations immediately! So whenever you sit down, or better yet lie down, you immediately get a page! It's like it's freakin magic or something!!! I would stay awake for 5 hours anticipating a call.. as soon as I give up to sleep and lie down for a sec the fireakin thing starts ringing!!
Now another call entity that should be described in detail is a nurse!
It's not an angel of mercy, with a beutiful face in a short white skirt and sexy boobs barely hidden beneath the tight white top, that's a playboy's nurse..
What we have is an evil nurse, another hybrid, that's rapidly multiplying and should be stopped..
This is a typical conversation:
My pager rings: 2229
So I should immediately pick up the phone and dial: 2 .. 2 .. 2 .. 9
nurse: hello, medical 1!
me: yes hello, I'm the medical on call, someone paged?
nurse: Oh oh (yes in philippino!), wait doctoraa (that's a female doctor lol)..
nurse: in philipino %$#^^$*^&%^$%^%&*^% (for almost 5 minutes)
then another nurse takes the phone: yes doctoraa.. I want to refer this patient, he doesn't want to eat.
me: that's precisely why I went to med school.. to convince people to eat!!!!
nurse: can I tell him the doctor said you must eat?
me: by all means!
nurse: thank you doctoraa.

15 minutes laters, the same nurse would page me again, to tell me the patient just ate!

Very fruitful being a doctor..

There's the other extreme though, when they page you to tell you that one of the patients is convulsing, lost consciousness, his blood pressure's falling, his breathing is irregular (all those sentences by the way are clues that the patient is dying!)..
I would just blink a couple of times before I would say: Ok, I'll call my senior.

You see, when you're on call, you follow the rule of the jungle.. Interns are the bottom of the food chain, we receive all kinds of threats, the ones that are above our knowledge (which is the case in 99% of the times), we refer to the one's above --> the residents.. they take it from there.. residents are heroes when it comes to interns, and are mess ups when it comes to registrars.. and so forth..

In conclusion: the ones that really RULE the hospital, are the evil nurses!

My First Job Interview.

Or was it?
I stayed up yesterday until 5 am, trying to fix my CV, add something here, remove something there..
Anyway, I was supposed to meet this program director with my current boss to recommend me one on one..
This morning, I hear the news: one of the program director's parents just passed away last night.. Probably around the time I was fixing my CV, and daydreaming about my interview..
The funny thing, I was so self absorbed that I was cursing my bad luck, when it suddenly hit me! Now this man just lost a parent, so is it my bad luck or his?
And then the little ugly voice that knows only the phrase "it's a sign"started to kick in. Is this the right job for me? Is that the right hospital for me? Is it the right specialty?
I finally decided to ignore that stupid voice and go to sleep.. As an intern, we are naturally sleepdeprived, as an intern with chronic insomnia; you do the math!

My First Post

Today, I decided to start a blog.

I was going through my 'old stuff' box, and I found paper-clips that goes back to 1993!
I had this terrible sorrow I don't know why.. I was reading my own handwriting and despite those fossils being almost unreadable I managed to recall the exact feelings, exact emotions I had when I wrote those scribbles..

I haven't written in my diary since a very long time; I'm full of emotions I could explode.. My eyes are almost speaking. The problem is, the more emotional I get, the less expressive I become, the more tension builds up.

It's great to have a place to let the steam out..